a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
