Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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