playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
