You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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