I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
