i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
