The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
