the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
