My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Randomize
