I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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