Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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