This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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