Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
