just survived the first fart of the relationship.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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