I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
