What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
