Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
