The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
