So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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