Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
