I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
