i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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