drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
