apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
