Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
