Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
In America we eat man semen.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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