Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the day after is always just damage control
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
