please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
