Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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