She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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