I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
