Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
