Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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