the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
