6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
