she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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