I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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