is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
