Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
