I cut my penus on the lid.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
