I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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