I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
