This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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