I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
