I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
