Midget sex pt 2 tonight
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
