Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
