it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
This house was built for laser tag.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
