my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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