He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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