My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My dick has a subreddit
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
