doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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