I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
