i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
